Hi Amma, Nana, setting clear and consistent limits for me is important for my growth, but I know it can be tough when I keep testing those boundaries. Whether I’m climbing on the sofa, playing with the TV remote, or refusing to eat my vegetables, my attempts to push limits can be frustrating. But as I explore my independence, it’s important to remember that this is all a natural part of my development. Here’s why setting limits is essential, even when it feels like a challenge.
3 Key Things to Remember When I Test Limits
I’m Doing Exactly What I’m Supposed to Do
As I start to learn more about myself, my surroundings, and what I can or can’t do, I’ll keep testing boundaries. It’s my way of exploring my autonomy. When I resist boundaries—whether it's throwing food at the dining table, running around the house after being told to stop, or refusing to share toys—it’s not about defying you, it’s just me figuring out what’s safe and acceptable. This is part of learning self-regulation, and it’s a normal developmental phase.
I’m Going to Keep Testing
I don’t fully understand impulse control yet. My brain is still developing, and I won’t always be able to understand why I can’t climb on the balcony railing or play with kitchen utensils. The concepts of “not now” or “it’s not safe” are hard for me to understand fully, which is why I’ll keep testing limits in different settings, like at the neighbours' house or during family functions. You might tell me “No” and I may still try, and that’s part of me figuring out what works.
Offering Acceptable Alternatives May Work—or Not
It is great when you help me understand that a certain action is not okay by offering a safe alternative. For example, if I’m climbing on the sofa, you could say, “This is not safe, but how about we play with your toy trucks on the ground instead?” This redirection helps me understand what’s safe and appropriate while also giving me an outlet for my energy. But sometimes, I may still get upset. It’s okay if I cry or resist—it is just part of learning to manage my emotions. Be patient with me and try to stay calm, as I learn how to regulate my feelings with your support.
Why Setting Limits is Beneficial
Setting limits is not just about stopping unwanted behaviour, it is about teaching me about boundaries, safety, and respect. Limits help me understand what is appropriate and safe in different situations, both at home and outside. In homes, where extended families often play a big role, setting clear limits ensures that everyone—whether it's my grandparents, aunties, or cousins—understands how to interact with me in a safe and consistent manner.
While it’s tempting to let things slide when you’re busy, tired, or when relatives are around, it’s important to stay consistent with boundaries. Clear, consistent limits help me feel secure because I know what to expect, whether at home or during outings, like when we go to a temple, attend a wedding, or visit friends.
Setting Boundaries with Love and Consistency
When you set limits with love, kindness, and empathy, it not only helps me follow the rules but also fosters a sense of security. In our culture, where family values and respect for elders are emphasized, it’s important that I learn to respect boundaries from an early age.